Surviving Pregnancy: A Hilarious Guide for Husbands!

Intro: Pregnancy, the magical time when your partner transforms into a superhero capable of growing a tiny human. As husbands, we find ourselves in a fascinating, often bewildering, world of cravings, mood swings, and expanding woredrobes. Fear not, for this guide is here to help you navigate the treacherous waters of pregnancy while keeping your sanity intact. Get ready for a rollercoaster ride filled with laughter and valuable insights on what to do (and what NOT to do) while your wife is expecting.

1. The Cravings Conundrum:

DO stock up on those (odd) combinations of food she craves. Pickles and ice cream? Peanut butter and pickles? Hey, who are we to judge? Your mission is to keep that fridge loaded with a righteous mashup of HER snacks to satisfy every whim. Also, get some for yourself, because why not.

DON’T compare her cravings to anything from the Animal Planet (or any other planet). Trust me, comparing her cravings to anyone or anything’s peculiar eating habits is NOT a winning strategy. It might earn you a one-way ticket to sleeping on the couch…which may be what you’re asking for, but that’s a topic for a different blog post.

2. Emotional Rollercoaster:

DO practice your poker face. From tears of joy to fits of laughter, her hormones are taking her emotions are on a rollercoaster ride. Be prepared for, from your perspective, random bursts of emotion, and remember, your facial expressions definitely matter. If you can’t hold it together then hide your face in a big hug.

DON’T suggest she watch a sad movie marathon during this time. You’ll end up with a flooded living room and a wife who’s convinced you’re secretly a villain from a soap opera. Think rom-coms here.

3. The Back Rub Dilemma:

DO become a back rub champion. Pregnancy comes with many aches and pains, and your magical hands can and should become her ultimate stress-relief tool.

DON’T ask her if you should charge her for those back rubs. In fact, don’t even ask her if she wants a shoulder or foot massage. Four Seasons + Nike here; with a friendly and gracious smile, just do it, bro! Let her tell you when to stop.

4. The Nesting Frenzy:

DO embrace the nesting phase. Whether it’s rearranging furniture or scrubbing floors at odd hours, join her in creating the coziest nest for your incoming bundle of joy.

DON’T fear or criticize her nesting projects. Even if you secretly believe that the “Baby’s First Mural” she’s painting on the nursery wall is total crap that you’re going to paint over at your first chance, keep those thoughts to yourself…and paint over it years later.

5. Baby Brain Bewilderment:

DO be patient when she forgets where she left her phone for the millionth time. Pregnancy brain is real, and it’s your chance to shine as the ultimate Mr. Fix-It memory support.

DON’T keep score or remind her that she forgot this or that thing…like putting the milk in the fridge after making tea…Just laugh it off and buy more milk. After all, she is developing a whole new human inside…Your little human, at that.

Conclusion: Congratulations, future dads! With this lighthearted guide in hand, you’re now equipped to navigate the unpredictable journey of pregnancy alongside your wife.

Embrace the laughter, cherish the up and down moments, and remember that a sense of humor will be your ultimate secret weapon throughout this stressful yet exhilarating chapter of your lives.

When in doubt, go with chocolate and back rubs – and you’ll likely survive this rollercoaster ride of pregnancy (mostly) unscathed…You are still the bastard that got her into this position, so expect at least a little grief. ; -)